Resting at 0

During the last week I have come to the realization that I have arrived at 0. I have worked very hard in my life with the goals of being a good mother, a reliable employee, a trustworthy friend, a published writer, and human being prepared for old age. I have arrived unprepared. I am back to 0.

All the things I worked hard to be don’t seem to matter anymore. My children are grown. Divorced, I am not the pillar of strength they are looking for. They don’t remember me as the one who took them on adventures, soothed them when they were sick, taught them truths about life.

Nope, I am simply a woman who happens to be  their mother, full of flaws and failures.

I worked hard as an employee to win awards and get my picture on the wall for my accomplishments. But once I retired, they mailed my picture back to me. It is as if I never existed.

And speaking of writing, I was so close. But now I haven’t the stamina to fix my computer issues. I’m defeated. If I can’t even get a printer to wake up out of sleep mode, how can I reset my own creativity and resurrect the novel lying finished but dormant.

The world goes on around me. I am on pause. I can’t mend myself. I’ve fought battles from every angle. I’m alive, but I have retreated to my hiding place. I am resting at 0. I have many wounds. All I can do is pray that the Lord mends me.

I’m not able to mend myself. Not this time.

I have no idea if anyone will see this as rest from my retreat.

 

 

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “Resting at 0

  1. No words of wisdom of my own, but this is one of the inspirational pieces I keep handy to read to myself when I need a peptalk!

    Hugs and Love!

    Don’t Quit
    by
    John Greenleaf Whittier

    When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
    When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
    When the funds are low and the debts are high
    And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
    When care is pressing you down a bit,
    Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
    Life is strange with its twists and turns
    As every one of us sometimes learns
    And many a failure comes about
    When he might have won had he stuck it out;
    Don’t give up though the pace seems slow—
    You may succeed with another blow.
    Success is failure turned inside out—
    The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
    And you never can tell just how close you are,
    It may be near when it seems so far;
    So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—
    It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

  2. Tee, I haven’t heard from you in ages. I lived reading your blog. No, you aren’t finished! You still know how to pour your heart out so that we can identify. You express all the feelings we also deal with. Thank you for being so open, vulnerable and transparent. You have touched me this morning.

  3. Tee, when we feel the most defeated, we’re often right at the edge of a breakthrough. Don’t give up. I’m praying that God will allow you to see the positive impact you’ve already had on others’ lives, and I’m believing that you have lots more to do!

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