Psycho analysis of a psycho writer chick

If you could step into a TV show for a day, which one would you choose?

The answer’s easy for me. Psych.I’m addicted to the show. My favorite Christmas present? A pair of Shawn and Gus talking bobble heads. Whaaaaaat?

If only real life could be as hilarious as the adventures of Shawn and Gus. Shawn is a psychic, a fake one. He reads people and hones in on their little clues. He drags Gus, his trusty sidekick, into all sorts of adventures.

Sounds like my kind of life. Really.

People readers notice the most subtle of clues and analyze, analyze, analyze. It’s fun until we people readers drive ourselves paranoid. But let’s have a little fun and re-create a scene from Criminal Minds, The Closer, or even Psych. All we need is an unsub.

What if an investigative crew found a picture of your personal belongings? What do your things say about you? Just to keep it easy and short, let’s stick to our desks or work tables. I’ll go first. Take a look at the photos.

On the left I have a variety of cat paraphernalia. Two plastic jars of Pounce Caribbean Catch Tuna Flavor cat treats. A fuzzy mouse that can be filled with catnip. And a plastic baggie of catnip.

At first glance an investigative crew might assume that I am a diehard cat lover.

Wrong. I like cats, but I like dogs better. I love one cat—Stevie Ray, my blues cat, who showed up about a year ago. I probably shouldn’t call him my cat. He comes and goes as he pleases. If I wanted to, I could trap him inside and buy him a litter box, but he’s too dignified for that.

I can’t help but remember that stupid quote from my junior high years:  If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.

Stupid, sappy love quote. All the other girls wrote on their composition books. Not me. Anyway, I haven’t seen Stevie Ray all day. Stupid quote.

At second glance, the investigative crew might inspect the plastic baggie of catnip with the pipe lying beside it. Officers, I can explain.

See, it went down like this. Number Two Son saw the baggie of catnip and busted a gut as only a twelve year old can do. He peeled the label off the catnip baggie and laid the pipe next to it. I know it does not look like catnip, but it IS catnip.

I was framed.

And that brings us back to the pipe, courtesy of Number One Son.

Number One Son received the pipe from his girlfriend as a gift. It is not a real pipe. It blows bubbles. Number One’s girlfriend thought it was funny. Said girlfriend also gave Number Two Son a week’s worth of fake mustaches for Christmas. This girl is as warped as the rest of us. I like her.

And what about the other items? Let’s start with the Aerosmith CD. Whaaaaaat? The unsub profile suggests a Steven Tyler fan lives here. Well, duh.

An iPod. A new metronome. Speakers. Check. Check. Check. Music lover. Got it.

Ducks. There is no explanation for the ducks. Sorry. Your guess will have to suffice.

Bottled water. Unsub does not like soda. (And I HATE calling soda, soda. It’s Coke. I don’t care if it’s Pepsi, Sprite, or Dr. Pepper. But a Sundrop is always a Sundrop…if you’re a true blue Southerner, which I am.) A pen. The unsub likes to write. A red folder with only one sheet of writing. The unsub almost always types everything and only writes in notebooks and journals when she is on a special writing adventure.

And the laptop. That’s a blog unto itself. Investigators would surely snatch up that bad boy and take it to the lab for further analysis. (The unsub wishes that while they are at it, they’d tidy up the first manuscript inside and send it to the editors and agents who requested it. Yeah, it’s time to get back to work.)

A really good investigative team, however, would not stop there. The team would also analyze what is not there, i.e.—who took the picture.

Judging from the angles in the picture, whoever took the picture had to be standing on something looking down on the items. If the unsub took the picture, the unsub must be short. The laptop does not sit on a desk. It sits on a bistro table with a regular office chair in front of it.

Wow. The unsub must be a little off, for if the unsub is short, the unsub’s chin would break even with the edge of the table, making for a very uncomfortable, goofy-looking typing situation. (Fortunately, a brown box that holds a new desk waits in the corner.)

The unsub must be more than a little off. Again, the picture angles suggest the unsub stood in a rolling chair to take a picture of a baggie of catnip and a bubble pipe lying next to a computer.

Stupid! Why would anyone do that?

Honestly, I hope no one tries to profile me based on my belongings. Sheesh. Psychoanalyzing me could drive a person insane. Just ask. I’ll tell you. Better yet, I’ll write it.

Now, it’s your turn. Tell me what’s on your desk, table, or work area. I’ll psycho analyze you for free. Let’s see how close—or far away—I can get.

“You know that’s right.”

32 thoughts on “Psycho analysis of a psycho writer chick

  1. My tabletop consists of, A laptop, A pda, a cellphone, my new 7inch pc tablet, A powerade bottle, remote control, empty coffee cup, and an empty popcorn bag..and last but not least…the motel book that describes tv channels, I’m sure that you can get me, I’m an easy person to ahead ..give it your best shot..:)

    • Hmmm…my psycho instincts tell me you are a bored traveler who must stay connected to your family, your friends, and your employer–hence your mentioning of the remote control. If the expensive communication devices are found without you, then you have obviously been abducted by some weird Criminal Minds unsub that likes coffee, Powerade, and popcorn.

  2. My desktop has a carved wooden gourd, almost empty sleeve of cds, empty ritz bitz bag, makeup, change, yoga cards, metal sign of dancing fairies, black paper bags, eragon mousepad, black cd sleeves, pictures, empty picture frame, fairy sitting on top of pc monitor but apple mouse and keyboard, camera manual, receipts, sharpie, pen, large white eraser, pencil, office max imPress baggies, compact flash media card, green plastic cap and miscellaneous scraps of paper. additionally desk is handmade cedar, with a peculiar circle where a large portion of the lacquer has been rubbed off. Wow typing that out…I need to clean/reorganize my desk. lol

    • Ah, the psycho instincts are sending me a signal. The unsub must be a very creative, mystical person who is busy and complex. Is she always on the run, grabbing a Ritz cracker here and there to hold her over? The empty picture frame and the fairies suggest her fascination with the “what ifs” in life. But the camera manual, media cards, almost empty sleeve of cds suggest a camera buff who possibly snaps shots for a living, hence the receitpts and office supplies. The handmade cedar desk with the rubbed-off laquer and gourd suggests the unsub attaches emotional feelings to objects. And I agree, the unsub probably needs to clean/reorganize her desk. 🙂 So…how’d I do?

  3. Modem, router, computer, printer, flashlight (??), blank cds, note pad, pins, irrigation pipe connector, little guitar angel guy, cds to sell, cds to keep, journal, stapler, my friend’s phone charger adapter thingy, bed bath and beyond coupon, other coupons, a bill, post it notes, calligraphy ink (that’s Joel’s not mine), mouse, keyboard, speakers, tithe amounts from church, Boston Red Sox mouse pad.. ok, well, go ahead!

    • Boston Red Sox mouse pad. The unsub is most definitely a human being of superior intelligence and taste. Need I say more? The unsub also has her own method of organization. At first glance, the random desk items may infer clutter, but everything is there for a reason. Obviously, she doesn’t want to forget about the sales, so she keeps her coupons close. The guitar angel suggests her heart belongs to a guitar angel. (Don’t tell Joel I said that.) And all the other Post-It notes, bills, tithe amounts are physical reminders of things she needs to do. The borrowed phone charger thingy suggests she has close friends upon whom she can always depend. She may possess a tendancy to procrastinate, but don’t we all? The flashlight suggests she is prepared for anything. Okay, did I even come close?

  4. I am SO with you on the soda thing. When we lived in Michigan, the word “pop” nearly made me certifiably insane. It’s Coke, people. Period. Pop is a sound, not something you drink. Sheesh.

    Well, what does it say about me that I have a perfectly lovely desk with a desktop computer, file organizers, pen holders and the works, yet I refuse to write at said desk? I prefer to lug the MacBook, the headphones, the notebook and the pen around wherever I go. If that’s to Barnes and Noble, I have to buy a new notebook before I write. Then I make notes on the first page and never use it again. My daughter inherits it. Now THAT is a sickness, I think. 🙂 Seriously, when I write, I like coffee beside me, headphones in my ears (whether there is music on or not), and a good pen and a piece of paper close by for those moments when I have to lay things out linearly. Otherwise, it’s me and the laptop… and sometimes the iPad. That baby is a WONDER for editing!

    You’re so much fun. I miss you!

    • I miss you too. Okay, here we go. My intuitive psycho abilities tell me we are kindred spirits. I like to go other places to write too. I like coffee beside me too. That’s why I end up at a Starbucks, usually in another town though. I like to talk too much here. I have to go where I don’t know anyone to do serious writing. So my assumptions are that you like to massage your creativity a little bit. Coffee helps. Music helps–or at least easy access to music. Writing at Barnes and Noble? You are surrounded by books, and one of them should have your name on it. Just saying. New notebooks suggest a clean slate. Fresh ideas. A breath of ahhhhh, kind of like freshly laundered sheets when you lie down at night. New notebooks make you feel good on the inside so that the words can flow more easily to the outside. You are a serious writer because you know what tools you need. The extra paper and pen help. (I keep a black notebook and write down words and things I hear other people say along with the date and the place. I’ve discovered a few gems.) I hope I’ve come close in my psycho analysis. 🙂

    • Ah, you are very private person, and you prefer to remain mysterious. Excellent. You would make readers want to know more about you. 🙂 Thank you for taking time to read. I’m glad you had fun reading it.

  5. You see my desk here at home doesn’t really reflect me at all because I rarely work there. Oh what a twist. It has different Snoopy collectibles, pencil cups, a globe, a dead i-pod touch, a couple of bibles, and there are plenty of journals where you roll it out. The three drawers are filled with financial stuff, cards, and markers. What a boring desk. Or is it? LOVE the bobble heads.

    • My psycho vibes tell me that your desk at home reveals the things you’re leaving behind. Your desk or work area at school probably reveals a new side of you. You’re changing. We all do. The globe reminds you of all the places you can go, and you probably have Bibles everywhere you go.The Word is your foundation. It will not change. How’s that? I think Shawn and Gus might have a different analysis. They’re probably want to know where the pineapple is.

  6. I don’t have a desk. School does not count. It only has keyboard, monitor, printer and papers to grade and to be graded. Well I’m pretty sure there may be an empty Sundrop bottle. Oh, yeah, a desk calendar from 2010-2011 because it has some notes on it I can’t lose and won’t write down anywhere else. If I did have a desk it would have pictures of you, of course 😉

    • Your recliner is your work area. Items: remote, Sundrop bottles, stack of mail, Reese wrappers, XBox controller, and a Scottish terrier. What else does anyone need? That says it all.

  7. Fun post. : ) I often attempt to read people; it’s fun to try to look for clues and wonder what a person is like.

    Let’s see…. On my desk are:
    yarn, crochet hooks, boxes of note cards, binders of music, CDs, Chick-fil-A cow, lyrics journal, multiple dictionaries, sewing notions, several little stacks of paper, a little clock next to my computer monitor (I have a tendency to lose track of time!)

    • I’m sorry sorry that my Psycho mind was off track for a few days. My psycho senses tell me that you enjoy quiet and calm. I have heard crocheting and sewing can be relaxing. I have a habit of losing track of time too, and your post reminded me to buy batteries for my bathroom clock today. You are also thoughtful and full of gratitude. Your Chick-fil-A cow indicates you should eat more chikin. (Does Daniel still like the ice cream cones?)

  8. Hmmm…. Desk top items = computer tower, monitor, modem, table top book case with poetry books, dictionary, thesaurus, Jonathan livingston Seagull, and Man’s Search for Meaning. Winnie the Pooh mouse pad. Matching pencil holders – one full of pencils, the other full of pens. On the front of them, a cut out and taped on red and yellow M&M. Actually, my office is generally the cleanest room in the house.

    As for writing on the composition books,… Had “Richard Cory” (a poem, remember it?) written on mine. Also got in trouble (well, sent to the guidance counselor) when I wrote this little ditty:

    I Love life, and life loves me.
    I’m as happy as can be.
    A happier person nowhere exists.
    I think I’ll go and slash my wrists.

    Lets see ya psychoanalyze THAT!!! LOL 🙂 ♥

    • Well. keep in mind this psycho analysis is from the Evil Twin. Judging from the eclectic assortment on your desktop, I would say you are quite whimsical. Poetry books, Winnie the Pooh, and a red and yellow M&M. Yes, definitely whimisical. Ah, but you are also a highly organized person because you have your pens and pencils separated. I bet you feel slightly agitated if ever one is in the wrong holder. (I know I do.) “Richard Cory” is actually one of my favorite poems, even though it is uber depressing. But I understand it oh too well. Your poem is from some the same vein as “Richard Cory.” Please pardon the pun. 🙂 When I was in school, I used to be artistic. I am ashamed to admit this because I’ve already received paybacks for my bad behavior. I had a teacher who completely destroyed my love of a certain subject I won’t mention. I remember drawing a very accurate picture of the teacher on a broom in front of a wall with the phrase “Just Another Brick in the Wall” written as the caption. Bad. Evil. I have since repented. :-).

      • Nope. Nope. Nope. Totally off the mark. I am deranged, psycotic, and probably a danger to myself and others. 😎

        I failed to mention a geode, a bell, a tiny “pillow” full of quartz pieces, a vase from Italy, a painted rock, a mug my Dad gave me, and a hand made paperweight — all of those items are nick nacks on the table top bookshelf.

        See, I’m even more unstable than you had feared. Unsub is most likely alien. 🙂

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